From Brokenness to Beauty (Weekly Challenge- Day 2)

I don't deal well with failure. In fact, most of what I do is driven by my fear of failure. It's why I'm a perfectionist, why I have to be the best at everything, why I am so fixated on the way my body looks, and why it drives me mad when I eat in the middle of the night! I am embarrassed to admit that I failed yesterday's challenge and ate after falling asleep. And not once, but twice! I am even more embarrassed to admit that I contemplated posting yesterday's entry only once I successfully made it through a night without eating so that I wouldn't have to admit defeat. Luckily, God had a different plan for me...

Micheal Franzese is a former mafia member who gave his life to Christ and tours the country giving his testimony. I missed hearing him speak at my church last week so I decided to watch the service online this morning. His main point was that God has a purpose for everyone, and no matter what you've done in your past, God wants to use it for something good. OK God, I see where you're going with this. Hearing Michael reminded me that although we'd like people to see only the righteous sides of us, God wants to use our brokenness for something beautiful.

Therefore, my hope is that by exposing my brokenness, you will be encouraged to do the same and not live in shame of your struggles. While we all love a happy ending, I believe the journey, filled with all of its setbacks and failures, is what inspires people to persevere. And that is what I am going to do tonight. I may have lost the battle last night, but I am determined to win this war! Once again, I commit to not eating after I fall asleep tonight. Thank you for the accountability and I will keep you posted on the outcome.


"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."  2 Timothy 1:7

With Hope & Blessings,
Alex

The Ugly Truth (Weekly Challenge- Day 1)

So here is the ugly truth...

Because I have unrealistic expectations of how I think my body should look, I decided to do away with two piece bathing suits last year. HOWEVER, Drew bought me a cute ruffled two piece to wear during our vacation next week which has sent me into a weight watching, food binging, calorie counting obsession for the past month. I've gained a few pounds due to a week long cookie binge and all I've been able to think about is how to lose the weight before this vacation. But Alex, I thought you surrendered and were going to do things God's way? (Sigh) I know, I know. I thought that if I made sure to spend time in the Word before working out every morning, it meant that I was putting God first. But all of my thoughts still revolve around what I've eaten, how many calories it had, what I'm going to eat next, did I or didn't I workout today, etc, etc...

I love using Drew's Life Application Study Bible because it includes explanations and thought provoking questions for almost every verse. Something I read in it said that if we try to find meaning in our own accomplishments rather than in God, we will never be satisfied, and everything we pursue will become wearisome. Hello! My situation exactly! If I were to achieve the "perfect" body, then what? I won't be able to keep it forever. The reality is, since I have unrealistic expectations, I'll never be satisfied and always strive for better. And that has become VERY wearisome. So I thought, what if I invested all of this time and thought into improving my soul rather than my body? How much more rewarding and fulfilling would that be?


"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"  Matthew 16:26

So here is my challenge for the week, and I hope that you'll join me. I need to build more self-discipline (because another ugly truth is that I've been midnight snacking again). So each day I am going to choose one thing to be disciplined about whether that be doing something I don't want to do or refraining from something I  want to do. Since I feel very certain that I will find myself in the kitchen around the midnight hour, I commit to NOT eating anything after I have fallen asleep. I thank you for the accountability and will keep you posted on the outcome.

"Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life the Lord has promised to those who love him."  James 1:12

***If you are in a similar situation and feel like sharing, want to join me in this challenge and need some accountability, or could use some prayer, please leave a comment or contact me at cookinholy@gmail.com. You don't have to do anything alone.***


With Hope & Blessings,
Alex

Surrender

Since I was 11 years old, I have been very self-conscious about my weight, causing me to develop strange and unhealthy behaviors concerning diet and exercise. My most recent struggle has been with my infamous habit of eating in the middle of the night and portion control. I find that when I lack self-discipline, which in this case means eating more than I should and at times when I shouldn't, all of my thoughts become self-centered and I am no no longer focused on serving God or others.

When I walked into church this past Sunday, an immediate sense of surrender came over me and I was reminded of Mark 8:35 which states, “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it." And I thought, "Yes, I am sick of doing things my way and failing every time. I am ready to lose my life so that I can find the one God has created for me!" I thought it odd for that scripture to come to mind since it had been so long since I last read or heard it. But of course, with God nothing is by chance. The message for that particular service was based on Mark 8:35! I know now that God was speaking to me that morning. And when he speaks, I do my very best to listen and adjust my life accordingly. For the past 4 days, my portions have been significantly smaller and the past 3 nights have been snack free!   

“...Blessed are you...for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven."   Matthew 16:17

God is so good. I love the way he works to confirm that we have indeed heard his voice.

***Have you ever found yourself in a place where every part of your life is great but that one habit or guilty pleasure has you feeling like you've lost complete control? If you can relate and feel like sharing, I'd love to know from where you draw your strength. Feel free to leave a comment or email me at cookinholy@gmail.com***


With Hope & Blessings,
Alex